The Stages Of Toy Assembly As New Parents

Having children usually means lots and lots of toys around the house. And sometimes those toys aren’t quite ready for children straight out of the packaging. The dreaded words “assembly required” can make any day more stressful than relaxed. Below is a list of “encounters” were sure all new parents have experienced when assembling toys for their children:

1. Denial

When your internal self talk goes rampant: The boxes are really just full of already assembled pieces. Thank the Gods this won’t take long. I see us asleep in an hour. Of course I know where the drill is. I got this. Maybe MOST of the pieces come assembled.  Yes, I remember where the screwdriver is.The drill is fully charged. All the holes are actually pre-drilled. I promise. We got this. Is it already 9:00 p.m.?

2. Blame

Here comes the smart ass comments..…“Uh, NO… it’s your fault, you should of followed the instructions!” “Oh yea? Well it’s your fault, you do not remember where any of the tools are.” “Seriously? Go ahead and take that toy piece and shove it up your ass — I’m going to bed.”

3. We’re Done Having Kids

When a hungry baby has woken up to eat, the baby simultaneously begins crying because of a bad dream, and you have tried to assemble the children’s toy the past couple hours.

You both start saying it. Her, “Don’t ever touch me again.” Him, “Let’s have a baby you said! It will be fun you said!” Her, “Oh don’t worry, because I’m never having sex with you again!”

4. Acceptance

Conversations cease, you hunker down, and things get serious. You work like little elves, in perfect unison, grasping at any last bit of alertness you can muster, and pump out the final piece of the toy. You laugh at the arguments you just had, and instead you pause for a few minutes to be a kid again. You grab some asleep, even if it is only for a few hours, grateful of your child that will squeal through the house with the sunrise. You’ve accepted the fact you are in fact actually grown ups (and parents), and you’ve rocked another toy assembly as a Mom and Dad.


One thought on “The Stages Of Toy Assembly As New Parents

  1. I so wish toys came fully assembled. I think I’m lucky to still have all my fingers, and a husband who still patiently puts toys together!


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