We’ve all heard of the Man Cold, right? You know, when grown men act like toddlers and the world ends because they got a sniffle? For the sake of full disclosure – as a man and a husband, I have most certainly experienced a Man Cold.
The six words that strike fear into the heart of every husband – “I think I’m getting a cold.” The Wifey or Mom Cold is REAL! Below is a handy guide for how to handle the pandemonium that is sure to be lobbed all husbands way:
Stage One: Whining
It starts out quiet and kind of cute. First comes a request for a tissue and maybe some tea. The whining slowly builds up momentum and before you know it you’re getting ridiculous complaints.
Stage Two: Running Nose and Fever
While you are searching for all the comforting things that might soothe your wife, you suddenly hear a nose being blown. You freeze and realize that your wife’s cold is getting worse. Crap. You race into the bedroom and you see your wife blowing her nose. Meanwhile, you feel chills and your brow is perspiring.
Congratulations! Your wife has a fever. You may now advance to the next stage.
Stage Three: Comfort
This is stage of the cold when you decide that you no longer give a fuck about the state of your surroundings. You get cozy jammies on your wife and help her into bed.
Stage Four: Meds
It hasn’t been long enough to take out more Tylenol. You quietly wish you could take a Tylenol yourself and go directly to bed. Instead, you make some tea for your wife and attend to the baby. Your head starts to pound and start to question how your wife can do so much things at once!
Stage Five: Sleep
With all of the complaining and whining from your wife you can’t keep things in order. You panic on what to do with a crying and hungry baby and you are hungry yourself! The wife and baby are finally sleeping. You pass out in a heap at the foot of your bed. You start snoring because you’re so exhausted.
Stage Six: You Made It!
Despite a complete lack of rest, you have somehow made it through to the other end of your wife’s cold. Everyone is still alive.
You are one tough cookie for dealing with as much nonsense as a nasty bug can throw your way without losing your mind. The next time some a-hole complains to you about a Man Cold just laugh it off and remember that Husbands are tough as shit.