Splat Mat- How I Love Thee

DAYTIME. INTERIOR. There are two characters SPLAT MAT & ME. ME is walking through the aisles of a store that caters to little people of all ages. Hello by Lionel Ritchie can be heard in the background. SPLAT MAT: Hello? ME stops and tries to identify who or what is calling her. SPLAT MAT: IsContinue reading “Splat Mat- How I Love Thee”

My Wife Has A Cold! Help!

We’ve all heard of the Man Cold, right? You know, when grown men act like toddlers and the world ends because they got a sniffle? For the sake of full disclosure – as a man and a husband, I have most certainly experienced a Man Cold. The six words that strike fear into the heart ofContinue reading “My Wife Has A Cold! Help!”

Gross Isn’t It?

I was sitting beside my wife in the delivery room as a nurse attempted the Epidural administration. It’s an unpleasant procedure that forces a large needle into the spine via the lower back. As the tube was shoved home, my wife began to close her eyes, grasping on the bars of her bed. It wasContinue reading “Gross Isn’t It?”

How Is Married Life?

The question that has plagued all newlyweds from the first day they got married and for apparently the years to come after the wedding. My wife and I got married about a year ago and this question still seems like an appropriate question to ask. It’s usually asked by those people that have lost touchContinue reading “How Is Married Life?”

Feline Fury: The One About Creeping

Lady Butler, I think you might be a little confused about how we play, allow me to clarify. I like creeping up on you but I do NOT like it when you creep up on me. Here I am exploring uncharted territory and you nearly knocked one of my nine lives off. When did youContinue reading “Feline Fury: The One About Creeping”

Feline Fury: The One About ‘No’

Lady Butler, I have a teeny tiny confession to make, although I suspect you already know. So remember those times you said: No… don’t do that. No… don’t do this. No… what are you doing? Weellll… I kinda, sorta, do it anyway, not because I don’t understand but because I CAN. You say no, IContinue reading “Feline Fury: The One About ‘No’”

The Funniest Pick Up Line Ever Said To Me

Before my husband, I didn’t really have too much of a dating life. In that time, I heard some ridiculous, downright dumb, borderline offensive pick up lines. Fast forward a couple of years, and here I am talking to a smoking hot man thinking no way am I this guy’s type. I had zero expectationsContinue reading “The Funniest Pick Up Line Ever Said To Me”

Feline Fury: The One About The Squirrel

It’s about time we had a little talk you and I. Yeah I’m talking to you, I’m looking at you. Don’t look away. In case you haven’t noticed this is my turf and I am NOT big on sharing. I will let you off with a kind warning this time and call it a simpleContinue reading “Feline Fury: The One About The Squirrel”

Feline Fury: The One About The Bath

Lady Butler, Don’t mistake my mercy for submission. It is with great restraint that I humour what you fondly call bath time! Bath time… More like torture time. Do you know how long it takes to clean myself after you’ve had your fun?! The lingering scent of oatmeal everywhere I turn… I think I smellContinue reading “Feline Fury: The One About The Bath”

Feline Fury: The One About The Doors

Lady Butler, You did something today that sent me into a fury. I think you know what I am talking about. We’ve gone through this already. Mi Casa es su Casa and in mi casa we don’t close any doors. I guess you didn’t get the memo this morning. I forgive you but don’t letContinue reading “Feline Fury: The One About The Doors”